I’ll shortly be going silent for a few weeks, as I’m moving again, into a nicer flat, as of tomorrow. I have a vague impression that I’ll pop on to check e-mail and stuff in an internet cafe, but yeah, there you go.
It’d be nice if you’d miss me or something. Christ. People, I dunno.
My name is Paul Kelly. I am approaching 30. I live in Leicester with 
Sir,
Your observation regarding Swans is one of the most incisive pieces of commentary I have witnessed with my eyesight for many years.
Everyone is misapprehending that Swans are regal and stuff. They’re actually factually not.
They’re overly aggressive, deeply arrogant, hideously ignorant and incredibly flighty birds. We had one on our pub quiz team at the Bedknobs & Broomsticks once and he didn’t get a single question right and ended up biting me on the arm when I told him he wouldn’t be welcome back.
I hates swans, me.
I hope your flatness is progressing smoothly.
Derek (Mr) Belm.
“The Fear” is crippling them, LB; be back in time for the party.
Can I leap in here and defend swans? Clearly, there’s a vendetta against the noble kind which I assume is being led by geese men. Not only is the swan the whitest of birds with the yellowest legs (all scientifically proven–I have the stats before me), it has the highest neck-length/beak-width ratio in the animal kingdom. However you look at them, they are one of the most remarkable creatures and are undeserving your ill-informed scorn.
Jog on, Madeley. Geese are the People’s Waterfowl, with ducks an acceptable fallback. I’ll not have you coming on here uninvited and giving my many readers unwanted swan propaganda, you booze-purloining charmer.